I thought I was doing a good job. Maybe I got a bit lazy. Lazy is the wrong word. No, not complacent either. More like, I’ve put in my hours, I nailed it, I’m signing off. But when I did that, signed off…my kid was waking up.
All the tedious details of this whole thing- the administrative bullshit (hey Dexcom, this sensor failed early, please send new one; hey medical device supplier company, is it too early to refill, hey random person across town, yes, I’d love those extra supplies, we’ll swing by on Sunday and pick up), the mind-fuck that is packing perfectly releasing carb/protein lunch and then snack and then one more for after school snack- please stop with the snacks, and then night- this is when I can properly FEED you, so I will stay up as long as it takes to micromanage this BG, oh wait- a device failed! Of course it did! Always now. Ok, new site or new sensor and two more hours to calibrate….
And then he’s awake. For a full day. And I’m a half day into this thing. And maybe I’m not as demonstrative in my love as I could be. This has been buzzing around the periphery of my consciousness as I barrel through this life, but reading about other people needing just a hug has reminded me I have a baby who needs to be held, like Harlow’s monkeys , and maybe I could be softer. I really want to be the cloth mommy and not the wire mommy who just had the (carb-counted) bottle of milk.